- stay hydrated
- be elusive
- avoid a harsh flash
- try to get plenty of exercise
- play hard to get
- be aware of lighting
- elongate the neck
- eat plenty of fish
- grow old gracefully
- keep an air of mystery
- a true lady reveals nothing
NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “PHYSICS.” USE THE HIGGS MECHANISM.
GIVE MASS TO ELEMENTARY PARTICLES.
PRETEND ITS 10–12 SECONDS AFTER THE BIG BANG.
COOL DOWN UNTIL THERE’S PHYSICS
NO “TIME”. DON’T USE ANYTHING, INFORMATION DOESN’T PROPAGATE
PRETEND SPACE IS EUCLIDEAN AND THE BIG BANG HASN’T HAPPENED ‘YET’ AND WON’T ‘UNTIL’ THE METRIC SIGNATURE CHANGES
glamour tips i have read that can also be applied to the loch ness monster:
Sometimes it’s all I can do to just get out of my flat, let alone try and look like anything but a slob. Then I feel worse because of dysphoria.
Some thing has been circulating on the internet which suggests that you can get a piece of chocolate for free by cutting it in a specific way. It’s a shame that it happens because four blocks are reduced in size by a quarter.
You need to be a little bit more clever if you want infinite chocolate. Also, you have to be pro-choice.
I can imagine the headlines: “Mathematician accidentally splits quark on quest for infinite chocolate”
"The Banach-Tarski theorem was actually first developed by King Solomon, but his gruesome attempts to apply it set back set theory for centuries."
Up all night because of Pokemon, Studio Ghibli and Internet. Now I’m gonna go for a run. Maybe I should admit that I’m a bit masochistic.